i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the day after is always just damage control
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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