I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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