So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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