dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
