It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
