and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
