Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
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Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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