Where did you get a picture of my penis
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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