He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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