I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
