I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm at about main and main street
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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