Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
