I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
