butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
