The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
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MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though