he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just invented taco cereal.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?