my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
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woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
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I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line