either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
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you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.