My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
