Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.