why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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