Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
