check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
