I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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