i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
