You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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