You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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