worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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