So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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