if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
