It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
home. puking in laundry basket.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
