i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
