How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
