it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
