A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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