I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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