I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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