It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
