well I can't set my house on fire every night
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you would pick up someone in the library
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
