i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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