There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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