Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
