Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
