when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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