Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
