i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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