listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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