His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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