stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
