9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
PANTIES FOUND
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
