Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
