i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
