Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
