I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
