i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
