you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
