does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
