I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
