I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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