Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
