I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
