she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
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I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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