She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
