i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
