I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
