Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
