I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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