U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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