With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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