I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize