we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
