Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
