Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
