Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
