I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
