We got so high we made milksteak
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
