Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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